Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Dying To Live In Suburban Germany

Some aubergines, earlier today
This blog is so devoted to the cause of dissecting suburban life that it now takes its holidays in suburbia too. We're presently in an outpost of Dresden in eastern Germany, and there are some interesting contrasts with its typical equivalent in the US. For example, here there are shops, bars, and public transport in all directions – that kind of thing. And there's an unusual breed of hair dye too.
You won't find it stated anywhere in this particular suburb's tourist literature, but this area boasts some of the world's least attractive women. It's not because they are born ugly due to something alien in the local water. No, they actively take anti-beautification measures in order deliberately to deflect any desires harboured by the opposite sex. They do this by dying their hair the colour of aubergines (for the benefit of my two US readers, that's eggplant).

It seems odd that, of all the colours available, this underwhelming hue of a blob-shaped garden vegetable would enjoy such widespread popularity. It's certainly unique, at least until you've passed your fortieth purple-headed monster of the morning. By that time, the idea of sexual arousal has become so abstract that it seems nothing more than a theory somebody might once have had about animal reproduction. Around here, babies are surely delivered by stork only.

At four o'clock in the afternoon, meanwhile, you can see teenage youths hanging around outside the shopping centre openly drinking bottles of beer and smoking cigarettes. Alienation, leisure and courtship are all combined into a single package, but judging by the age of the area's pram-pushers, it's nothing but a brief stage on the path to developing your aubergenes. Then it's time to settle down to a life of ignoring friendly overtures of greeting from outsiders (though staring at them is allowed), learning how to cook six dozen bratwurst on an open-air grill in time for the next family wedding, and refusing to accede to so-called fashionable influences from the world beyond. Magentally ill, and we're not going to change a shade.


nathan3e said...

I am German all the way back on both sides and have yet to hear anyone say anything pleasant about Dresden. What brings you there? Presumably you could not pass up the opportunity to witness Dynamo Dresden in their pre-season. Don't miss the FK SIAD Most friendly on Saturday.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Here in Transyvania we have a similar hair dye phenomenon, presumably produced by the same environmentally unfriendly company, but it's closer to paprika (I think that's "bell pepper" or "capsicum", depending on your regional dialect). It must be slightly better than aubergine - it couldn't not be - but only slightly.

Waiting for Robot said...

photos, please.

No Good Boyo said...

Purple rinses were once the preserve of Tory ladies of the ruthless persuasion. Now the lumpen Ossies have purloined them. Is this what they call cultural hegemony?

Stay-At-Home Indie-Pop said...

Photo added, as per request.

Nathan, I have only fine things to say about the increasingly wonderful city of Dresden too, but the suburb (where some of my in-laws live) is 20 minutes outside of town. And Boyo, it's probably a darker shade of purple than the Tory ladies of yore adorned their worthless heads with (although wasn't the shade of rinse usually blue?).

nathan3e said...

Looking at my initial comment, I realize I meant to say "yet to hear anything unpleasant about Dresden" rather than the opposite. So, to sum up, I have heard nothing but good about Dresden, particularly the abundance of green areas.

No Good Boyo said...

I stand corrected, Pop. Just goes to show how long ago it all was. Now Tory ladies are rather tasty. Or perhaps I'm getting old. Fancying Tories is the libertine's equivalent of noticing that policemen are getting younger.

(I posted this in the comments on your last post, as I was drinkening)