Monday, February 08, 2010

Weather Event

We had three feet of snow at the weekend, and the power was knocked out for two days, but that didn’t stop me from having my ritual English breakfast with bacon, eggs and hand made Lincolnshire sausages. Not to be denied my weekly quota of artery-choking lard, I cleared a tunnel to the grill, liberated it from the snow, lit summer’s leftover coals, and sent the aroma of sage, garlic and slaughtered swine across the silent winter gardens (see picture). The bottle of genuine Worcestershire Sauce featured in last week’s exciting blog entry dribbled its stuff and added the final touch of low cuisine.

A gust of wind above three miles per hour is guaranteed to throttle the electricity in our infrastructurally challenged neighbourhood, so it was no surprise that we were thrust into darkness once the most widely publicised snow storm in meteorological history had set in on Friday evening. Our power company, Pepco, was brilliantly prepared, at least in linguistic terms. Callers to the firm were greeted with a message informing them that following the “winter storm event”, it was impossible to predict when power would be restored, but that this was likely to be a “multi-day event”. Sort of like those big weddings that well-to-do families in the south like to stage when they’ve placed their daughters with a chinless but appropriately loaded heir from the food processing industry. Here’s how Pepco’s “multi-day event” played out:

FRIDAY

Evening: Welcome to the winter storm event! No power

SATURDAY

Morning: No power. All guests to gather by the log fire for body temperature enhancement event

Afternoon: No power. Cold buffet event by the fire

Evening: No power. Guests to form huddles to prevent hypothermia event (will continue until morning!)

SUNDAY

Morning: No power. Element-defying English breakfast event. Guests/neighbours no longer exchanging cheery quips about the weather conditions

Afternoon: No power (apart from two-minute burst of electricity at 3pm to raise your hopes of imminent warmth). Extended snow shovelling event

Evening: Power returns! Event over. Enjoy the last half hour of Super Bowl

Pepco’s message also advised its customers to “take appropriate action” in the face of the power outages, though it didn’t offer specific suggestions. I hope that at least one customer responded to this by seeking out the home of the PR stooge who thought up the phrase “multi-day event”, torching it, and then warming their hands on the embers. Otherwise known as an arson event. It wasn't me.

5 comments:

No Good Boyo said...

Eventful. At least the perkily-named Pepco didn't offer "solutions" to your power-deficit "issues", like they do by here.

We had a flurry of snow in Berkshire today. Perhaps Al Gore's in town.

I do like the way they report weather stateside, though but:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpxiCxO5k0g

You don't see Siân Lloyd doing that, expect in my boudoir imaginings.

Gorilla Bananas said...

"Appropriate action" must means "go to Florida". Or possibly "build an igloo".

Stay-At-Home Indie-Pop said...

The kids and Mrs. Pop built an igloo, but they were too soft to sleep in it. Meanwhile, the next Winter Storm Event is a few hours away, but this time a mere sprinkling of 10-16 inches of snow is expected.

Boyo - the idea of a solution would not occur to Pepco, even if just to garnish their jargon. An actual solution would be to replace the creaking telegraph poles (some of them listed historic structures) with underground cables. But it's not like we live in a first world country. It's the kids I feel sorry for - when the power's out they have to listen to me playing Appalachian folk songs.

No Good Boyo said...

Seen this cracker from the world of Welsh football?

A footballer who got red-carded four times in one match has been banned for two years.

Ricky Broadley of Mountain Rangers received the cards in the course of a Caernarfon district league cup match against Penrhyndeudraeth.

The 29-year-old was sent off for stamping on an opponent in the course of a 64th minute brawl on the pitch as his side trailed 2-0. He went on to receive further red cards for first arguing with the referee, then throwing water over him, and finally confronting him angrily in the clubhouse following the match.

http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/17022010/58/four-red-footballer-banned-years.html

Stay-At-Home Indie-Pop said...

That's impressive, but I think the record is eight red cards for a single player, and I'm fairly sure it was in a Spanish-speaking country. The infuriated player kept arguing with, or insulting, the ref, who just kept periodically showing him red cards until he finally left the pitch.

If the Welsh ref had a sense of humour (very rare in refs) he'd have followed Ricky down the pub that night for further discussions, or popped up from under his bedsheets next to the wife brandishing a red one, so to speak.